When Your Child Leaves for College, Remember This

5 words that will bring you joy

The feeling of loss started for me when my oldest daughter turned 16.

This birthday made me keenly aware that I had limited time left with all my kids at home, just 2 more treasured years. 

For months I cried and wrestled with this. I mourned my role as the mom of young kids. As 10th grade brought a slew of changes (i.e. driving, dating, friend group shifts, more drinking in the grade, etc.), I felt a big transition. I was learning how to parent teenage daughters - and also love them well - while secretly dreading their departures.

As my daughter entered her senior year, reality hit harder. Once she left home, our family dynamic would forever change. What I’d known and loved for almost two decades was coming to an end.

When you love being a mom and find your greatest joy in your family, this transition brings grief. If we think about the changes too long, we can believe our best years are behind us.

---

What I can say now, 3 years later and with 2 kids in college, is this: There is great joy on the other side. There are countless new blessings to come, but when your child is still at home, you can’t imagine it yet.

Why? Because the blessings haven’t manifested. You haven’t climbed to the top of that mountain to get a view of the other side.

Instead, you’re likely to feel impending loss. Especially as the countdown begins.

Senior year is a time of savoring every possible “last.” Their last homecoming. Their last game. Their last birthday at home. Their day of high school. Their last trip with childhood friends. The year flies by, barely giving you time to soak it all in.

And when your senior goes to college (or leaves home for another pursuit) it’s heartbreaking and sad. Even when you’re ready for them to leave (because soiling the nest is a real thing!), you’ll feel a heaviness in your heart and a void in your home that nothing can fill.

You’ll worry and check Life 360 maybe more than you should.

What nobody can explain, until you get there, is what older moms say: If they’re happy, you’re happy. It’s true. As you see your child’s world expand, as they make lots of new friends and enjoy fun new experiences, you can’t help but be happy for them.

You’ll know they’re where they’re meant to be — maturing in new ways that just aren’t possible under your roof. 

This helps you make peace with change. It offers a glimpse of God’s plan. Philippians 1:6 is a helpful verse for this transition: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

As parents, we take our kids as far as we can during their 18 years at home. We teach them everything we know, nurturing them, protecting them, and preparing them for reality. 

And then, it’s time to release them. We let them fly into the bigger world (if and when they’re ready) so God can continue the good work He started in even bigger ways.

Even in the struggles, we still see growth. We still have reasons to feel proud as we watch our child build the resilience, faith, and strength of character they need to handle life as an adult.