What Teenage Girls Wish Their Mothers Knew

I have a friend who studied city planning and the purpose of bridges.

She explained how bridges are needed as a city grows and expands. They connect one part of a community to another and offer a safe passage.

We related this concept to raising teens – and why bridges matter in the parent-teen relationship. As a child grows up, their world expands and separates them from their family and familiar territory.

They need bridges that take them home and safely back to the people who remind them of who they are.

As a writer for teen girls and a mom of three teen daughters, I’ve long looked for ways to build bridges between their hearts and mine. I’ve seen how disconnect begins when we try to give guidance without awareness of their thoughts, desires, and feelings.

Teenagers don’t care what we know until they know that we care, and one way we earn a voice in their lives (and build bridges that last) is by listening, empathizing, and putting ourselves in their shoes to understand what it’s like to be them.

So how do we tap into that inner world? How do we unlock the mystery of a teenage daughter? Clearly, every girl is unique, but as I surveyed girls on what lingers below the surface, they agreed on some common things they wish their mothers knew.

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1. Even if we don’t say it, we appreciate little surprises, like when you have our favorite food waiting at home for us after a hard day at school.

2. Don’t criticize trivial things. We already criticize ourselves enough, so save your criticism for when it really matters (and be as tactful as possible).

3. Don’t get mad at us; we are tired and trying, even if it looks like we’re doing nothing.