Teach Your Daughter the Difference Between "Real Friends" and "50/50 Friends"

A mother once told me about her 6^th grade daughter getting kicked out of her friend group over the summer because a new “leader” took over while their family was on vacation.

Clearly her daughter was hurt, and when the new school year started, she made new friends.

These were friends she could count on. Friends she could trust. Friends who wouldn’t drop her or suddenly turn their backs.

A few months later, her old friends wanted her back. They started being nice again, and while the girl found this satisfying, she also knew better.

Being burned had taught her what a real friend looks like.

And though she continued to be nice to her old friends, she didn’t want them back. She told her mom, “They are my 50/50 friends, and I want to be with my real friends.”

Wow. What wisdom. And what a simple way to articulate the complicated side of friendship to someone who is young, naïve, and just beginning to realize that some friendships are more valuable than others.

In my book 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, I talk about real friends and 50/50 friends in chapter one. And when I meet girls who have read this book, the #1 thing they remember – and often quote – is that section.

They tell me, “I loved what you said about real friends and 50/50 friends. It really helped me figure out who my real friends are.”

So, what is the difference? Here’s an excerpt from the book:

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10 Signs Of A 50/50 Friend

1. She’s hot and cold. She loves you one day, hates you the next. You’re never sure where you stand. The inconsistency drives you nuts.

2. She cuts you down. This is often done underhandedly. She may hug you tight while making a jab like, “Your butt looks big in those jeans — you know I’m joking, right?”

3. She’s available on her terms. Whether it’s a small issue or an emergency, you can’t always rely on her.

4. She messes with your mind. She promises to pick you up for a party — then never shows. She leaves you out on purpose. She gives you the cold shoulder and makes everything your fault.

5. She’s competitive. Your problems secretly delight her; your success secretly bothers her.

6. You have fun together, but something about her company brings you down. She doesn’t really “get” you or appreciate your true self. She rarely asks about your life because she’s too busy talking about her own.

7. She constantly switches best friends. Will it be you, Madison, or Caroline this week?

8. Her attitude is “My way or the highway.” One strike and you’re out.

9. The friendship is one-sided. You’re always the giver, and she’s always the taker.

10. She’s complicated and exhausting. Does it really have to be this hard? Must she give you all these headaches?

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