Raising Confident Kids
One thing that I’ve never wanted to see my children struggle with is self-confidence.
That is why it pains me to see them doubt themselves or question their abilities.
I still remember the first time I witnessed real self-doubt. It descended upon my daughter unexpectedly, and I felt helpless trying to stop it.
She was in third grade and learning her multiplication facts. Every day after school, she practiced timed tests on the computer and dissolved into tears as she failed to beat the buzzer.
After a week of discouraging lows, I noticed a tangible change. My once confident girl seemed to shrink before my eyes as she lost faith in her intelligence.
The worst part was hearing her new self-assessment:
“I’m so stupid.”
“I’ll never get this.”
“That’s it. I’m quitting.”
“I’m an idiot. I hate school.”
She’d pegged herself wrong, of course, but nothing I said could convince her otherwise. Even her history as a great student was irrelevant in her mind. This challenge had stumped her, and it messed with her confidence in unprecedented ways.
It took time and practice, but she worked through the issue. She learned her equations with speed, and with baby steps forward, her confidence grew.
What I learned in the process was how little control I have in saving my child from a struggle.
This was (and still is) painful to accept. As a mom, I want to kick self-doubt to the curb. I want to believe that lots of love, affirmation, and encouragement on my part will armor my children with bulletproof confidence.
The truth, however, is that my influence has limits. I can praise them all day, but how they feel about themselves (and their potential) is a matter that only their Creator can settle.
The good news is, He loves them more than I do. He sees the future and knows what they need today to be ready for tomorrow.
While I want to rescue them from challenging situations, He sees the bigger picture. He understands how letting them wrestle with their human limitations can 1) draw them closer, 2) build their character, and 3) cultivate the right confidence.
If life was always easy, and my kids excelled at everything with very little effort, they’d be arrogant. They probably take full credit for any talent or success.
But when they see their weaknesses and where they fall short, they feel their need for God. They can receive His grace and strength since God’s power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
This fosters humble confidence. It reveals God as the bigger force at work in any obstacles they overcome.
While I wish there was a shortcut to building humble confidence, some lessons can only be learned through that inner wrestling. Struggles help make them strong, and as they learn to bounce back, they grow more resilient. They gain confidence on the other side as perseverance pays off.
It’s natural for our children to doubt themselves, but let’s pray they don’t doubt God. Let’s pray they don’t forget that He is in them and for them, equipping them to carry out their unique life purpose.
Even if a failure shakes their confidence in themselves, they can be confident in Him. They can stand on His promises. When He doesn’t remove a challenge, He’ll transform them through that challenge. He’ll help them develop the Christlike character they need for their life calling.
God just wants our children to do their best—and leave the results to Him. He cares more about obedience than outcomes. As we seek to build confidence, let’s keep this in mind. Behind every struggle is a bigger story we can’t see. God could be cultivating a deeper strength and resilience that leads to confidence on the other side.
Subscribe to Kari’s Substack
Thoughts about motherhood, teenagers, raising girls & boys, marriage, and navigating hard realities with hope and resilience. Paid subscribers get full access to all articles and archives. Glad to have you here!
Have you pre-ordered my new devotional for teen and college-aged girls yet? It releases Jan. 2025 — tomorrow!—and I can’t wait. Pre-order here for one more day to receive these Open Me When Prayer Cards for your daughter.