Hey Girls, Don’t Discount the Quiet Guys
Over time I’ve come to notice that when teenage girls discuss teenage boys, they tend to group them into 3 categories:
The “He’s so annoying” category (generally because they’re rude or they make fun of girls and think they’re being funny)
The “He’s really nice” category (a handful of boys achieve this label)
The “He’s nice, but he’s so quiet” category (a grouping I never thought about)
When it comes to category 3, girls quickly move on to the next conversation. They don’t see the potential or consider the possibility that the quiet boys may prove to be special. All they know is what they see today…and based on that, a friendship or future relationship seems highly unlikely.
This is why I tell girls: Don’t discount the quiet boys. Don’t write them off too soon. Some of the best men and dads you know were once the quiet boys in school.
Teen culture has changed since my days, but some dynamics remain. Like many girls that I meet, I knew guys who were annoying and couldn’t take the hint that girls don’t like to be teased. I knew guys who were nice and fun to be around. And I knew guys who were quiet and hard to talk to until someone coaxed them out of their shell.
Most often, that someone was a girl. A girl who saw the diamond in the rough and brought out a whole new side.
In high school I had a date with a guy who barely spoke. It was a double date with my best friend, who helped me carry the conversation all night.
Months later, this boy started dating another friend of mine—an extrovert with a big personality. They hit it off and fell in love, and this relationship transformed him. He became more outgoing and confident. He carried himself differently, smiled more, and let his personality show.
Only then did we see what a catch he was. He was a terrific boyfriend, and he adored my friend in a way that every girl wants to be adored.
Sometimes the most obvious person to like isn’t the best person to like. Particularly in adolescence (when appearances are king and everyone is drawn to the most charming, beautiful, and extroverted personalities), the best catches can fly under the radar. The best catches stay busy developing their potential beyond superficial measures.
Chemistry matters, yet even more important than how a guy looks is how he treats a girl and makes her feel. While it’s tempting to let outward impressions drive your relationship choices, people can be like storefront windows. You have to look beyond the display.
As any good shopper knows, the stores that grab your attention first have dazzling displays. Yet sometimes as you walk in, the store is a disappointment. The best stuff is all in the window, and the rest of the place feels empty. You’re ready to move on.
And then some stores surprise you. They’re less shiny on the outside, but inside they blow you away. They surpass your expectations and make you want to stay.
The best people in life (guys and girls) are like the stores that pleasantly surprise you. Their interior outshines their exterior. While this can hold true for anyone, including the shiny superstars, it’s often the case for quiet types, whose gifts aren’t always readily apparent and who need more time to grow.
It takes maturity to value substance over show. It takes experience to see why a rich inner life matters. Many great guys fly under the radar before anyone takes notice, but with help from the right influence—like a special girl who sees their potential—they may prove to be special, a diamond in the rough that has yet to be revealed.
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The intro and first 2 chapters
85 Life Truths Every Girl Should Know
A Special Prayer for My Daughter
A Word for Teenage Girls Navigating Friendships Today
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