Help Your Child When They're Left Out

One pain point we all face as parents is seeing our child left out.

It’s impossible to be invited all the time, and we do our kids a favor by teaching them early how to handle this reality and respond maturely.

In my 20+ years of raising girls, I’ve noticed that how well a girl navigates being left out is largely determined by how well her mom handles it. How well we coach our child through disappointments frames their view of the situation.

There is a wise way, and the three biggest mistakes we can make are to:

1. Immediately call or text someone and give them a piece of our mind;

2. Throw the child who left our child out under the bus—or attack their mom and plan retaliation;

3. Try to control or micromanage a situation that may just need to play out.

The big challenge is that social media lets us know who gets invited. I’ve been home with a child who is suddenly upset as she sees some friends together without her.

I’ve also felt jealous of seeing moms together, at a party or on a trip, and wishing I’d been invited. I’ve laughed at myself on many occasions as I’ve thought about it and realized that I’m not even close with these moms, so why would they invite me? If I wouldn’t invite them to my party, why would I feel the rub?

Our emotions aren’t always a reasonable guide, and rather than let them run the show, it’s better to feel them, reflect on them, and process what they mean. Our kids need help processing their thoughts and emotions too, and recently my counselor friend Kim Anderson and I did a podcast on helping our kids when they get left out. Here are 5 strategies to help them survive these moments and grow more resilient as a result.