For the Girl About to Start Her Freshman Year of College
8 things to know before you step foot on campus + a printable
Friends, following is an Instagram message that some of you asked to be turned into an article. I’ve included a printable to share with your daughter too. Thanks for following along, and know how much I appreciate you joining me on Substack!
Chances are, you feel nervous right now.
You're most likely excited as well, a mixed bag of emotions. Even if you’ve felt confident all year, ready to leave home, you may suddenly feel self-doubt. You may wonder if you have what it takes to make it on your own, thinking:
What if I don't find friends? What if I get lonely, lost, or left out? What if sorority recruitment doesn't go well?
Feeling doubt on the verge of a major transition is completely normal. It’s easy to imagine worst-case scenarios and get stuck in the fear of "what if."
Right now, you can't see the new blessings in store. You aren’t privy to the ways God will work. But remember: The Lord walks before you and with you, and when you feel scared, just pause, take a deep breath, and ask Him for help. Pray for wisdom, courage, and discernment. Ask Him to reveal your next right step.
As you begin your new adventure, keep these things in mind.
1. Now is your time to proactively make friends.
There is a huge opportunity to connect when everyone is new. Even if you're introverted by nature, make a point to be friendly. Don't hole up in your dorm room waiting for invitations or feeling inadequate as you scroll social media.
Just down the hall, someone is even more nervous or homesick than you, and they need you to initiate. It's not random right now to introduce yourself or to invite a potential new friend to go on a walk or meet for coffee. But 6 months from now, that introduction will feel awkward. It won't feel as natural after you’ve seen each other's faces 50 times already.
Connect early before friendships get established — and while everyone is still open to making new connections. One day as you look back, you'll be glad you made the effort.
2. College unleashes a new world of comparison. Rather than measure yourself against 400 girls at your high school, you now have 4,000 (or 20,000) girls on campus to compare yourself too.
Many girls will be drop-dead gorgeous and seem very sophisticated. It may feel tempting to fixate on who appears to be thriving (making tons of friends, getting dates, bonding with a group, being invited to parties, etc.) but this is a recipe for depression. Save your energy for positive pursuits instead.
God created you to run your race and cheer on other girls as they run their race. He's blessed you with gifts and talents, and as you use your gifts to help others, you'll find purpose and connection. You'll see how comparison makes you feel superior or inferior to other girls, and neither option builds better friendships. Neither option brings out your best or keeps you at peace with yourself.
3. Good habits, self-care, and downtime are crucial. Make sure to prioritize all three.
Getting caught up in the thrill & fast pace of your freshman year can quickly lead to bad habits. Always staying up late, eating junk food, not exercising, and running on fumes will make you feel terrible. No adrenaline lasts forever, and when reality sets in, so does exhaustion.
You’ll find it impossible to be your best self without setting healthy habits.
So, decide upfront to practice self-discipline. Prioritize exercise, mental health, nutrition, a good night's sleep, time alone, and room for your soul to breathe.
While some of your best nights may include staying up late and eating junk food with your friends, don't let that be the norm. Don’t let that become a pattern that’s hard to reverse.
Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is an act of self-love. It sets the foundation for a healthy life. I highly recommend finding a church home before you start college. Choose a church that’s rooted in God’s eternal truth to be an anchor for your soul. Let it tether you to what is real, pull you back when you drift, and nourish your soul in a way that late nights and parties can't.
4. If you do sorority recruitment, stay confident in your identity in Christ. Remember that your worth comes from God, not Greek letters.
A sorority can make a big campus feel smaller. It offers a place of belonging, like a sports team or a career major.
Sorority recruitment can be an emotional week, so go in open-minded. Know that you'll find friends wherever you land because in any big organization, you'll find a microcosm of the real world. You’ll find a little bit of everything.
Rather than feel stressed in trying to impress the girls, be excited. Embrace this opportunity to meet many girls at once. 3 months from now, at a party where you know nobody, you may look across the room and see a girl you randomly clicked with during recruitment week and wave across the room. That impromptu conversation may lead to a new friendship somewhere down the road. You never know how God will use an experience as part of a bigger story.
Take good care of yourself during recruitment week, and remember to hydrate well and eat breakfast. Especially in the heat of August, you don't want to pass out on a sorority lawn and add more stress to your day.
5. You're allowed to change your mind on your major. Most colleges make you choose a major early, and you can see this in two different ways.
On one hand, choosing your major as an incoming freshman can feel stressful. You may wrongly believe your future should be mapped out perfectly by age 18, and if you get it wrong, you're doomed. You'll never recover or get back on track.
On the other hand, taking classes early can help you decide if a field of study is right for you. Rather than get too invested (and have to switch majors in your junior or senior year) you can change course before going too deep.
There is no shame in changing your mind on a major or transferring to a new college if that's where you feel God's pull. In the grand story of your life, nothing is a waste, and more important than always getting it right is praying and seeking to do God's will wherever you are now.
6. Be careful who you trust. Love many—but trust few.
Girls often assume they'll find their best friends immediately, but you're unlikely to meet your bridesmaids in the first week of school.
It takes time to truly know people and see who shares your values. You may think you're on the same page until you go to a party one night and make very different choices.
Trust is earned slowly over time, not overnight or over a weekend. Also, as many college girls can attest, friendships don’t feel established until second semester at best. Be friendly yet also mindful when deciding who has your best interest in mind.
7. Your mom isn't crazy in the warnings she gives. Things like drugs being slipped into your drink, sexual assault, fetanyl-laced drugs, predators posed as Uber drivers, and other scary realities happen on even the tamest campuses.
Sadly, many people today don't have a moral code, so trust your gut, stick with your wingman, never walk alone at night, do "share my location" with your friends before you go out, and be aware of your surroundings. If something doesn't feel right, it's probably not right. Pay attention to red flags and your quiet intuition, as it may be picking up on clues that aren’t obvious at first.
8. People often romanticize their freshman year of college, but the truth is, it can feel like a roller coaster of high highs and low lows.
It's common to feel lonely (even after a great night with friends) as you lie alone in bed and miss the stability of home. Social media can make you feel worse as you see other girls bonding or your high school friends living their best lives.
Everyone feels this emptiness. Everyone misses the familiarity of home at some point. Talking it out with girls your age, or someone older, can lead to deeper and more authentic relationships. It can help you work through the twists and turns of this journey into adulthood.
College is a special season, and never again will you be surrounded by this many people your age. Take advantage of this opportunity. Don’t wish the time away. One day, when you graduate, you’ll miss this easy access to all your friends. You’ll miss being able to hang out on a whim, spontaneously grab dinner, or take a day trip to Six Flags. Most of all, you’ll miss the people and experiences that helped you grow up. All the high points and low points that shaped your character, deepened your faith, and prepared you for your life story.
If you enjoyed this message, please share it and encourage your friends to join my Substack!
For more messages like this, check out my books, including my new devotional for teen & college girls - Yours, Not Hers: 40 Devotions to Stop Comparisons and Love Your Life - and my new book for girl moms coming Sept. 16 - Is Your Daughter Ready? 10 Ways to Empower Your Girl for an Age of New Challenges.
