Explaining Virtue to Your Child
"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." G.K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man
When I was growing up, and especially when I was a teenager, the word virtue made me cringe.
What flashed through my mind was a picture of a nun or a monk, and since I had no desire to spend the rest of my life in a convent, it didn't sound too appealing.
Today, as an adult, I think differently. I see the necessity of virtue to live a positive life, especially after witnessing the heartache, destruction, and consequences caused by unvirtuous choices. I understand evil as a corruption of the good that God creates and why virtue helps us become our best selves. It leads us to pursue and think about what is good, true, and beautiful.
The challenge now is, how do I convey this to my kids? How do I counter the permissive, anything-goes society that pokes fun at anyone who tries to live by a moral code?
Working with teenage girls, I've seen the enemy get clever. In this stage of life where peer approval is paramount, and nobody likes to feel awkward or alone, it's easier to go with the flow and do what is popular rather than what feels right deep inside.
Consequently, many teens make choices they don't truly want to make. Many teens who fall into the permissive, anything-goes lifestyle later wrestle with deep regret and end up in a counselor's office.
At this point, the enemy can go in for the kill, whispering lies to make them hate themselves or believe their future is doomed. Those who don't know the truth about God's mercy, redemption, and grace may spend years (or decades) believing hopeless thoughts. They may wrongly assume they're damaged goods or that it's too late to turn things around.
So as we talk about virtue - defined as "behavior showing high moral standards" - it's important to be sensitive to human fallibility while explaining why virtue matters. We've all made unvirtuous choices, and the enemy loves to keep us stuck in those choices so that we don't choose a better path through the power of Christ.
As Christians, God calls us to be different. He sets us apart for His purpose. Rather than blindly following the crowd, He wants us to follow Jesus. One way to explain this to your child is by pointing to nature and the journey of a salmon.
A salmon is different because it swims upstream against the current while most fish swim downstream. In its final and most difficult journey, the salmon swims upstream back to its birthplace to lay eggs and produce babies. This takes great energy, perseverance, and commitment, and by the time the salmon arrives, it's exhausted. Many die shortly after reaching this destination.
Amazingly, God equips the salmon to accomplish this mission. A salmon can do miraculous things, like leap up waterfalls and swim past hurdles such as fishermen's nets, rushing rapids, and predators like bears and eagles. While some salmon won’t survive, many will. They'll press on toward home to do what they were born to do.
This salmon's journey is considered one of nature’s greatest triumphs. It takes more energy to accomplish this feat, yet that energy is spent in a way that maximizes life fulfillment.
Like the salmon, God designed us to swim against the current of what's popular. He works miracles to help us reach our destination and fulfill our purpose. As His favorite and most treasured creatures, we were created for eternity. We have a longing for heaven God planted in our hearts that propels us home. Our journey is difficult but worth it. With God's spirit inside us, our determination grows greater than any fear of what may happen. Even if we're exhausted by the end, we find meaning and fulfillment in a life well-lived.
So how do you help your child live a life of virtue? What does "swimming upstream" look like in real life? Here are tips to offer a starting point.
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