A Great Family Motto: "Don't Struggle Alone"

Through the work I do with families, I hear some scary stories about teenagers who take drastic measures when they are deeply struggling.

A therapist explained it this way:

“The reason we worry about teenagers is because of where their brain is in development. Teenagers have an overactive amygdala and an underactive pre-frontal cortex. They can act impulsively on emotions because they don’t always have the ability to calm themselves down or see the long-term picture.”

The amygdala is the brain’s fear center. It’s primitive and emotional, the trigger for fight-or-flight. When there’s a legitimate danger (like a bear chasing you), you need your amygdala to take over, but sometimes it gets triggered over minor events. It can make us overreact and overestimate the problems that we face.

This is why we need loved ones who offer a voice of reason when we’re not thinking clearly. It’s why God designed us to live in community and ease each other’s pain. It’s why I started to share this motto as my girls grew up and became teenagers too:

Don’t Struggle Alone.

This sounds like common sense, but the truth is, it needs to be articulated, especially to the next generation.

Why? Because our children are being shaped by a lonely and disconnected world. They’re surrounded by perfection, and when they get on social media, that curated perfection is all they see. This makes them feel like something is wrong and highly defective with them. By all outward appearances, it looks like everyone else is living the dream while they can barely keep their head above water.

While some kids can open up and share the struggles they face, others don’t have that skill just yet. They can’t articulate their deepest truths.

I have a heart for these kids because that was once me. I spent the first half of my life trying to process my hardest struggles alone. I internalized more than I should.

If only I’d let somebody help me, I could have avoided great confusion. But instead, I bottled things up. I bottled up feelings, doubts, and everyday frustrations that felt too complicated, trivial, or burdensome to share.