8 Lessons from My Daughter's First Middle School Cheer Tryouts

(From March 2015, when my now college-aged daughter was in 6th grade)

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Well, we made it. We survived our first big tryout week.

Honestly, it was better than I expected. Even if my daughter hadn't made the 7th grade cheer squad, I'd still say that.

I was nervous going in, mostly because of the crazy Cheer Mom stories I'd heard about people freaking out over their child's competition and pulling sneaky moves.

I didn't want to be like that, nor did I want to be so obsessed with the outcome that I spent the week strung out, stressed, and overly invested in conversations about which girls have an inverted toe touch and who can do a back tuck.

After all, every girl who tries out for cheerleader is somebody's daughter. Their parents love them like I love my child.

While I hoped and prayed my daughter would make it, I didn't want to wish misfortune on anyone or delight in fantasies of girls messing up so she’d look better.

So I prayed to keep my head and heart in the right place. I prayed for my daughter and the other girls. Most of all, I looked for the life lessons I needed to learn.

Win or lose, there were insights that God wanted me to gain to grow me as a parent. 

Following are 8 lessons that stood out. While this list will evolve with time (esp. as we have tryouts with different results), I hope it helps anyone who looks for meaning and sees tryouts as more than a means to an end.

Lesson #8:  A mother's attitude shapes her daughter's attitude. To be their emotional support, we have to set a calm, positive tone.

When Ella began working with a cheer coach, she was lukewarm. She enjoyed the practices, but she wasn't sure this was her "thing."

After a few months, however, her heart changed. She started getting a special glow after practice and would jump in the car to say, "I really want to be a cheerleader!" 

I loved her passion...yet this raised the stakes. If cheer didn't work out, she'd be heartbroken.

As tryouts approached, the stress hit her. Many strong athletes had signed up, and that made her nervous. While I felt nervous too, I took advice from moms ahead of me about not letting it show.

Rather than feed her fears, I told her I was excited that her day to shine was almost here. She'd worked so hard, and she was ready to show it!

Ella made a paper chain to "count down" to tryouts. Each slip had daily exercises, and the smaller the chain got, the more excited she became. It surprised me to see her anticipation grow. She saw tryouts as a goal to look forward to.

It's hard to walk that line of building your child up without underestimating the skills required to make a team. But with her emotions running high, and her body tired from practicing, she needs a rock. The steadier you are, the more she benefits.

Lesson #7: Tryout week is a great opportunity to love on your child and their friends. 

One highlight of Ella's week was getting rock star treatment. With her friends and aunts dropping off candy, family members posting encouraging notes in her room, and her choice of breakfast and dinner each day, it was a special week. 

Even siblings were given strict orders to be extra-kind.

Normally Harry and I don’t spoil our kids, so breaking the routine to give Ella and her friends extra attention and special perks (like Smoothie King drinks in the car when we picked them up from clinic) was fun. Tryouts can be overwhelming, and it helps to surround them with love and positive energy.

In our community, moms are very thoughtful about encouraging girls during tryouts, using our school colors as the theme.

Lesson #6: Watching your child transform during tryout week is a cool parenting experience.

After the first day, the girls were scared. They showed us a dance that looked so fast and complicated I found myself thinking, "Oh dear heavens, will they ever get that?!!!!" as I plastered a smile on my face that I hoped conveyed confidence.

With much repetition, the girls evolved. Their performance started to click, and they could add smiles and have fun. As they swung their bodies and ponytails around, looking confident and spirited, I realized they were growing up in the best way.

They were learning to believe in themselves.

By Friday, they were ready. I was in awe of how good they looked. While I wanted them all to make it, I already felt so proud. In my eyes, they'd won. They'd faced their fears, entered a scary unknown, and gotten stronger.

The lifelong benefit wasn’t whether they made the team, but the confidence they gained by pushing their body to new limits and the courage they acquired by being brave before judges.

Because really, tryouts is a chance to practice being brave. It's where our kids learn to take risks even when they're afraid.

Our world celebrates results, but what’s also worth celebrating is a child’s transformation. These girls began clinic as one version of themselves - and ended as a new version. Witnessing this brought me great joy.